My Five-Star System

I will be utilizing the common five-star system with half star increments. I believe this system affords the most flexibility for gauging my opinion.

Let me break it down by rating and show you why:

This is heavy.

5 Stars: This denotes an absolute, must-see film; a complete mastery of craft on all accounts. A film like this truly envelops the viewer in a story and doesn't let them go, even after the credits roll. Obviously, these types of films are very rare, and we'll usually only see a dozen or so like this a year, but they're the reason you love the movies.

Examples: Back to the Future, Casablanca, The Godfather.

"I am above average."

4 Stars: This is the "almost, but-not-quite" category, which makes it sound worse than it is. A four-star review is still a recommendation, but it's lacking in some respects. Oftentimes, I'll award this to a film that has some minor pacing issues or if it feels like it would lose its kick on subsequent viewings.

Examples: The Avengers, Hunger Games series, Harry Potter series.

Yes, Cory. You most certainly are.

3 Stars: The three-star film is the average, easily-digestible effort that will probably be forgotten ten minutes after the credits roll. It's the kind of film that you don't mind watching on TBS one late afternoon when there's nothing else on. It's competently made, but doesn't strive for greatness. It exerts just enough energy for you to like it, nothing more. 

Examples: Comedies, Romantic Comedies, Cory Matthews. (Honestly, most movies fall into this category.)

However... this guy gets five stars.

2 Stars: This category is arguably the most frustrating to watch. You can tell that there were some great ideas, but few were executed well. It has a some redeeming qualities, and some people might enjoy the film, but overall you could do without seeing it. Many auto-pilot franchises fall into this category. See below

Examples: The Twilight Saga (any of them), Transformers (any of them), Expendables (you guessed it!)

Does anyone else think he looks like a weird, hairless cat-person?

1 Star: This is usually the result of a total lack of conviction from the cast and crew. This is the movie that you'd be reluctant to pick up out of the $5 bin at Walmart. One may be able to wring some entertainment out of this woeful exercise in futility by hosting a good heckling session but, otherwise, the film is a loss. Save your money

Examples: Most remakes, rehashes and reboots.

0 Stars: The great thing about my scale, as opposed to the one I'm used to using on Flixter, is that I can award no stars. It may pain me to do so but, sometimes, it's necessary. A 0-star film is so catastrophically horrible that it makes you doubt the art-form that you love. A film this bad can't even be enjoyed in a so-bad-it's-good way. The best thing for any film-lover to do is turn and run away from this unnatural disaster. Do NOT try this at home.

Examples: Manos: The Hands of Fate, The Happening, White Chicks 

Mark Wahlberg, pondering the future of his career while filming
"The Happening."

Disclaimer: My opinions, like all opinions, are subject to reconsideration. Furthermore, I'd like to point out that not all films are comparable. There may be a film that scored a 4.5 that I enjoy more than a 5. I'm here to judge the movie objectively on it's merits, not simply based on personal preference. Typically, films with a higher score are the films I enjoy more, but I have a few guilty pleasures just like everyone else. I could watch Tommy Boy on an endless loop, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a perfect movie. I just want everyone to keep this in mind.