The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Director: Bill Condon
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Michael Sheen.
Written by: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay) Stephenie Meyer (novel).
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence including disturbing images, some sensuality and partial nudity.

When it comes to the Twilight franchise, I've always existed somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I fail to comprehend the reason behind the series' immense success, but I also think that the backlash it has received in response to it's popularity is unwarranted. At least, I used to feel that way. That is, until I saw Breaking Dawn Part 2 and was forced onto the naysayers' bandwagon against my will. This movie is about as bad as it gets.

Guess who wins...
You're wrong. 

It's abundantly clear that the decision to split the final chapter into two films was entirely a financial one. There's absolutely no creative excuse for it, and the film suffers tremendously. It's all filler, no killer, if you will. Let me give you a spoiler-free synopsis of this movie: Edward and Bella have to protect their half-human half-vampire baby from the Volturi (who govern all vampires) because they think that the child is a full-on blood sucker, which is bad because vampiric children can't control their thirst, cause wanton destruction and could risk exposing their kind to humans. The Cullens then gather witnesses to meet with the Volturi to prove the child isn't immortal. They all meet in a snow-covered field. Credits. That's it.

This means that the final chapter of the saga is further burdened by the fact that they have to introduce a TON of new characters right before the big finale, which could have been OK were they not all as flat as cardboard. For example, there's "that one vampire who was in the Revolutionary War," which we remember because that's THE ONLY THING HE EVER TALKS ABOUT. The war ended 283 years prior to the events of this film yet he babbles on about it as if America were still fighting for it's independence. That's just lazy writing.

For a $75 million film, it's also not too fun to look at. I couldn't tell if the special effects were trying to stay faithful to the modestly-budgeted original film or if the animators just didn't care enough to make them look convincing. From the way characters run at super-speed, to their use of powers, to the eerie way that the young Renesmee's face looks exactly the same no matter how old she gets (she's seen as an infant to about 17 and every age in between), it's all poorly handled and results in some unintended hilarity.

Look how creepy this thing is!

One of the more interesting aspects of the film is Bella's transformation into a vampire, but it's still pretty underwhelming. She mostly takes to it like a well-worn shoe (aside from a slight incident with a mountain climber, if you can call it that), eliminating any sort of tension that could have come from discovering and controlling her new identity. It's a shame considering the rest of the film is sorely lacking in conflict. Her self-control is supposed to be indicative of her strong-willed character but it seems more like a missed opportunity. I will admit, though, that it's kind of nice to see Kristen Stewart unleashed a bit from the more emotionally-restrictive role of "Human Bella."

Also, I have to give a shout out to imprinting, which is beyond creepy.  I'ms orry but there's no justification for it. The only rational excuse for it's existence as a plot device is that the writer must have felt like Jacob needed some sort of consolation prize. So instead of getting Bella, he gets... Bella's daughter? Who he really doesn't deserve anyway considering he's a petulant, controlling, self-absorbed child who is among the most annoying characters in film history. The worst part? It's not made very clear whether Renesmee has much choice in the matter, which opens up a whole other subject that I don't even want to get into. Moving on...

The derivative anti-climax is sure to please fans of the book with the way that it subverts their expectations while remaining faithful but everyone else will roll their eyes so hard that their optic nerves will be put in jeopardy. The only thing that makes it more insulting is that they had to include a dash of deus ex machina to tie up the remaining loose ends. The best praise I can give is that it's probably as good as it could have been considering the source material, and Michael Sheen's performance as the leader of the Volturi is suitably wacky, acknowledging how ridiculous the whole thing is. He seems to be the only one in on the joke.

Of the franchise's many flaws, this one is the most glaring.

The plot barely moves, the dialogue is cringe-worthy and the acting and directing is incredibly shoddy. It's pretty obvious that most of the cast and crew haven't invested too much love, care or faith in the material, though it's hard to blame them when the studio is just trying to milk their cash cow for all it's worth. The coda includes a bit of fan service that's sure to please and, if I'm being honest, it's unlikely that those who loved the rest of the series will be disappointed with this one. I, however, went in as a mostly indifferent Twilight viewer and found it to be the hole that sunk the franchise ship into the sea of my contempt. I've heard rumblings of a franchise reboot in the near future. Nothing short of imprinting on it will convince me it's a good idea.

1 out of 5